


The Shame He Carried

by TheRoseDuelist



Series: The Lost Triad Saga [4]
Category: Across the Void (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-12
Updated: 2019-09-12
Packaged: 2020-10-16 23:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20611229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRoseDuelist/pseuds/TheRoseDuelist
Summary: At Opal's funeral, Sol reflects on their relationship and his personal regrets.





	The Shame He Carried

Clusters of people whispered amongst themselves, holding small plates of hors d'oeuvres and sparkly drinks, a stark contrast to their black mourning clothes. What they were talking about, he could only speculate, but the occasional glance his way from members of those groups made him infer that his name came up in conversation. He couldn’t bring himself to care. It didn’t matter what they said about him. What they thought of him. Because the war was over. More importantly, she was gone.

He hadn’t wished to attend the funeral in the first place. Mourning was not something done in public Dynamas culture. But Eos’ request made it difficult for Sol to decline the invitation. That didn’t mean he felt obligated to entertain small talk and exchange sympathies with those who knew nothing of Opal and simply wanted to use the wake as a way to increase their social standing. It was contemptible.

Inside, his emotions stormed, swirling around, growing stronger and stronger by the minute, ready to burst. It took every ounce of strength to keep his composure, to keep the tears that threatened to stream down his cheeks at bay.

He missed Opal. Her wittiness. Her mischievous smile. Her conviction and steadfastness. Her gentleness that she kept only for those closest to her.

Sol had never met anyone like her. And now she was...dead.

The funeral had been harder for him than he thought it would be. Pictures of Opal as a cadet and then captain had flashed upon a projector screen as past classmates, teachers, passengers, and government officials spoke of her generosity, cheerfulness, and strength. His crystals burned blue, his eyes blurry as he gazed at each picture, recalling their time together aboard the Atlas. 

He could still hear her voice in those last seconds on the bridge of the Atlas when she whirled around and stunned him with her gun. Sol had woken to find himself in one of the escape pods, soaring through space towards Cyber. Frantic, his fingers had flown over the dashboard and input the necessary key code. The outer panels of the pod slid to the side and the window out to space opened.

He froze once he saw it: the Atlas and the Sanctum, exploding together in unison, the orange and red of their fires igniting the blackness of space.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

Jerked from his memories, Sol looked up to see Titania and Meridian, his fellow crew members.

Ex-crew members.

A hard glare from Titania pierced into Sol, and he winced at the malice in her words. Meanwhile, Meridian glowered at him, arms akimbo over his broad chest.

“She was my captain as well,” Sol responded. He didn’t want to create a fight at Opal’s funeral. She wouldn’t want that. Especially amongst her friends.

“You betrayed her.”

Sol bit his lip. Titania wasn’t wrong.

“You betrayed all of us,” Meridian added, his voice low and grumbly.

“I’m here to honor her—”

“Like you honored her when she was alive? You lied to her every day. Lied to all of us. Made us believe that we were a neutral party and yet you used the Atlas to shuttle Jura soldiers and supplies back and forth!” Titania spat. “You made us accomplices in your crimes.”

“I told her that I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“At the end. When we were fighting for our lives. Would you still have lied to her if we’d never been in that fight?”

Sol averted his eyes. It was a question that had crossed his mind. One that he wished he had a clear answer to, which shamed him deeply. Would he?

Inside, he hoped that he would have. Because he had fallen for Opal, deeply, and the guilt of keeping such a dangerous secret from her had pained him to his core.

“He’s not worth it, Titania.” Meridian put a hand on the Apri’s shoulder. “His shame is punishing him enough as is.”

“She trusted you and you…” Titania ignored her friend. “You didn’t deserve her.”

Titania pivoted and stormed away disappearing out the far door. Meridian shook his head and followed her.

Closing his eyes, Sol leaned against the wall, his heart crumpling in his chest, an invisible weight pressing down on his lungs. They didn’t know he and Opal had been together. They didn’t know how her death had ripped him apart. They hadn’t known he was on the Atlas, prepared to die with her at the very end. 

But he knew it didn’t matter. Titania and Meridian were right. It didn’t change the fact that he had deceived Opal since the moment they met.

And that was a shame he’d carry with him for the rest of his life.

“You can’t do anything about them.”

Sol opened his eyes to see Eos walking over to him, hands tucked in his pockets, a somber expression covering his handsome face.

“They’re mourning too. We’re all mourning.”

“But they’re right.”

“I hurt my sister too, with my allegiance to the Vanguard.”

“What will you do now?” he asked. Sol wondered the same thing about himself.

“As of an hour ago, I’m done with them.” Eos laughed. It was a hollow sound. Without mirth. “Just upped and quit.”

Sol nodded. “I...parted ways with Artemis — the General — after the battle.”

“Then you’re already doing what Opal would’ve wanted.” Eos gave him a sad smile.

Silence fell between them and Sol wondered if he was supposed to fill it. Comfort Opal’s brother. And yet it seemed Eos had been the one to go out of his way and make sure Sol was alright. Was Eos aware of his relationship with Opal? Perhaps. Opal often confided to Sol that she and her brother were close, even if half of their relationship subsisted of arguing.

She’d wanted to share the news of their relationship with Eos. When Sol had heard that, he felt his heart expand two sizes. He was...touched. Elated. Ecstatic. He remembered his crystals glowing pink with gratitude. His family had essentially disowned him since his departure from Dynamas. The fact that Opal wanted to share her family with him...it meant the world to him. 

But they never had the chance.

“She loved you,” Eos murmured, as if reading Sol’s mind. 

His eyes grew warm and Sol could feel his crystals flash dark blue. He tried to respond but his throat clamped when words tried to escape.

Eos lay a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Find me later. We’ll get out of this farce and have a drink.”

Despite the despair threatening to overtake him, Sol managed a smile. Then Eos turned and walked away towards his parents. 

Sol knew he could no longer keep the tears at bay and slipped out the exit, finding a quiet corner outside the reception hall. He could feel his crystals dimming once the tears began to stream down his cheeks. It hit him like the blast from Opal’s gun did two months ago: she was truly gone. The woman he loved was gone and his memories of her were all that remained.

Now he was lost. He was lost and didn’t know how to find his way back. And he wasn’t sure he ever would.


End file.
